Well, some shocking revelations have come to light regarding my esteemed competition for the Harvey Award (Best Comic Strip or Panel). Among the many things that dismay me about these allegations is the fact that it would be impossible to disprove them before the close of voting, midnight tonight.
But I'm sure you will agree that these new developments leave you with no choice but to vote for Tom the Dancing Bug.
- Sources reveal that Patrick McDonnell (Mutts) does not write and draw the strip himself, but rather forces chimpanzees, genetically altered for super-intelligence, to create the comic strips, thus not only compromising the integrity of the art of comics, and raising some troubling animal rights issues, but also perhaps eventually causing the fall of human dominance of Earth.
- Richard Thompson apparently ordered goons to break into my home to gather damaging information about me. The evidence: they sloppily left Cul de Sac books strewn all around my living room. When these allegations were raised, my own children responded that it was they who left the books around, which they claim to greatly enjoy reading and re-reading. Really, Mr. Thompson? You got to my own children? May i remind you how often it's not the crime, it's the cover-up?!
- Senior Non Sequitur officials state that Wiley Miller is actually a licensed attorney! Have you no shame, Mr. Miller?
- I myself can confirm that Garry Trudeau (Doonesbury) never actually served in Vietnam! HIs comic strips about B.D. engaged in combat operations during that time period were merely the work of SATIRICAL FICTION!
To vote for tom the Dancing Bug, apparently the only moral choice left, simply follow the instructions below. Voting is open to comics professionals, AND THE DEADLINE IS MIDNIGHT TONIGHT!
1. Go to the Harvey Award Site;
2. Fill out the Harvey Ballot; and
3. Email it to [email protected]
I thank you for following your conscience.
-Ruben Bolling