AN EXTRAORDINARY TIME NOT TO WRITE |
February 10, 2011
Stationed in: Afghanistan
This posting is as much an admission of guilt as it is an apology for the actions that led to the behavior that earned the guilt. To whit -- I never would have thought that I'd spend over a month and a half in combat and not write anything down about it. Heaven knows I've experienced enough of the breadth of combat in the past 45 days to generate some interesting comments and commentary. At the end of it all, though, here I am, sitting in front of a computer in a crowded MWR, incapable of writing anything interesting.
I mean, assuming that the things that I write are ever interesting.
The fact is, while everything was happening I was so deeply involved in it all -- so engaged -- that in retrospect I suppose it was inevitable that I'd get back, from days in the field, and just be -- feel -- totally washed out. More exhausted, less motivated, than at any point in the prior deployment. There have been many occasions on which I felt angry, or frustrated, or steeped in some other similarly negative emotion, but I can remember no other time when I felt nothing. It's gone on for a good four days now -- ever since getting back from the last of three long, overlong extended missions.
This is new ground for me. Not motivated, not inspired, just trying to get through it all to the end. Tired of getting shot at.
Guess that means it's high time I found a new career!