The Sandbox

GWOT hot wash, straight from the wire

Welcome to The Sandbox, a forum for service members who have served or are currently serving in Iraq and Afghanistan, returned vets, spouses and caregivers. The Sandbox's focus is not on policy and partisanship (go to our Blowback page for that), but on the unclassified details of deployment -- the everyday, the extraordinary, the wonderful, the messed-up, the absurd. All correspondence is read, and as much as possible is posted, lightly edited. If you know someone who is deployed who might have something to say, please tell them about us. To submit a post click here.

DOING THIS APART |

October 02, 2009

DOING THIS APART
Name: Sarah
Posting date: 10/2/09
Spouse stationed in: Afghanistan
Milblog: Spousebuzz   
Email: tryingtogrok@hotmail.com

Because it has taken many years to get to this point, my husband and I already had first names picked out for our baby.  But we had never settled on a middle name.  Since my husband will be deployed for the entire pregnancy, we find ourselves trying to decide this by email.  It's not an easy task.

If you're in the same room, you can judge your spouse's reaction to hearing a name. "Let's make her middle name Ethel" may elicit an obvious groan or just a polite shaking of the head. You can better judge whether your spouse hates your idea or just doesn't seem to be fully convinced by it and needs more prodding.

You can't glean this via email.

I wrote my husband a long email with various suggestions, reasons why, links to famous people with that name, etc. He replied with, literally, "Well, I don't know." That's it. Did he hate my ideas, or was he just being noncommittal? I don't know! He also has said that we have "plenty of time" to figure this out, but we sure don't if he's gonna send back one-line replies!

I don't like having to do this apart.

I also cannot read another book or webpage with suggestions about what a wonderful bonding time this is for my husband and me. Letting Daddy rub your belly is a great way for him to feel close to the pregnancy. We should plan a romantic date night now because life will be hectic for the next 18 years. And, the pinnacle of my annoyance, that this is the time when my libido is at its life peak, so sex will be out of this world.

Thanks for rubbing all this in.

I can't help but feel that I'm missing out on something special -- and not just in the bedroom.

I am not in a position to complain: it is a downright miracle that I am even pregnant and having this baby. And while it would've been nice to have him here to help with morning sickness, to rub my back when it's sore, and to lug the new bag of dog food out of the trunk, I know I can handle all of that. I can suck it up and blink back tears alone when constipation gets so bad that I feel like my insides will rip apart.

But I am having a hard time appreciating the happy moments alone. I am at the point where I am waiting to feel the first kick, and I am sad that my husband will not get to experience it. I won't get to grab his hand and put it there to see if he can feel it too. He's never been to an ultrasound and it's debatable whether he will even be here for the birth.

I just wish we could be together to share the happy moments.

And pick a middle name.


Comments

Congratulations on the soon to be new arrival. I hope you have friends and/or family nearby to share this time with you. Not the same as with your husband, but sharing just the same.

And just in case you don't know it or haven't been told lately, thank you for the service that your family is providing for us. It is never just the one in uniform, although theirs is the visible one.

My baby girl will be 34 next month. After the morning sickness passed away the rest of the pregancy was pretty enjoyable. Hope yours will be too. That little space invader will help keep you company once it makes its presence known. It can be comforting provided the little darling isn't hanging out on a nerve or enjoying banging on your bladder too much.

Thanks, Kathy. My friends and family are far away, but I know they are right along side me in spirit!

Today I had an ultrasound, and I sure missed my husband. I was torn between feeling so happy to see our baby clapping and hiccuping, and so sad that my husband missed it.

Naturally you are supposed to have a man around while you are pregnant. It would be comforting if you could stay with a relative. Or perhaps a friend or a relative could rent a room at a reduced rate just to be your friend for a while. as for a middle name, pick your mothers first name or his mother's first name. he would agree with either one I am sure. it worked for us.

First of all; THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE. Are there any PGR groups near you? We can sometimes send a man over to help you move stuff, or fix something. Most important, we know you are the Home Team, and we appreciate that.

Second, guys, any guys, are just a dumb as a plywood sandwich when it comes to baby mystique. That book might just be over rating the whole bonding/naming thing. But, you can try.

Third, you've done a tremendious job so far, already. Pregnancies are huge events. I wish the service could see that and sympathise, rather than challenge, the division between military and familial duties. It depends on the CO.

BTW: Can you get to a discount electronics outlet? You can set up a small, inefficient camera for under $20. Skype is cheap, and you can be up and running in minutes. Failing that, you can burn a CD with your latest antics and snail mail that. My point? Lots of options to broaden, if but slightly, the shared portion.

I don't know where you live, but you might Google PGR and look up the HOTH coordinator. We'd be glad to help. If you are in the Ft. Lewis area, I'd be glad to help.

If I were 10 years older and all the way to crotchety it would be easy to blow this off by bringing up how much I would've liked to have been able to e-mail 27 years ago when I was in the service! But that is not the point. Nothing replaces having your family together for something like this. I missed the birth of 2 sons during 3 major deployments and I'm here to tell you that e-mail and phone calls wouldn't have filled the hole in my soul during those times. Military spouses do have the toughest job. But with a little bit of luck, and holding fast to the good times, you'll make it - and remember this investment when you are old and gray!

This is a hard one sweetheart, but you CAN wait until he gets home to give her a middle name at the Christening.

Don't worry about the belly rubbing. There's gonna be people rubbing your belly ya don't even know.

Record dads voice and put the headphones on your belly...maybe a middle name will get a response from Jr or jane???

Good luck sweetheart!

Verify your Comment

Previewing your Comment

This is only a preview. Your comment has not yet been posted.

Working...
Your comment could not be posted. Error type:
Your comment has been posted. Post another comment

The letters and numbers you entered did not match the image. Please try again.

As a final step before posting your comment, enter the letters and numbers you see in the image below. This prevents automated programs from posting comments.

Having trouble reading this image? View an alternate.

Working...

Post a comment

TrackBack

TrackBack URL for this entry:
http://www.typepad.com/services/trackback/6a00d8341c5f3053ef0120a6043935970c

Listed below are links to weblogs that reference DOING THIS APART :

« Previous Article | Main | Next Article »




Search Doonesbury Sandbox Blog

LINKS


About

My Photo

FEATURED BOOK