NOTHING TO FEAR |
November 08, 2008
NOTHING TO FEAR BUT FEAR ITSELF
Name: Cris Misner
Posting date: 11/7/08
Husband stationed: Overseas
Milblog: June Cleaver After a Six-Pack
The one thing I hate the most about my husband being deployed is not feeling safe. Although his life fight is to help others be safe, when he is gone... I feel very vulnerable.
Last night someone was jacking around in my backyard. They were tapping on windows and walking on my deck. I lay in my bed paralyzed with fear. Thoughts of, "Is this just my mind playing tricks on me because I watched CSI before bed?", "Is that just the groundhog that we have living under the shed in the back lumbering about out there?", and "Do I call 911 because I am about to be killed?"
I crept my way through the house checking on each of my children before I sat and decided what I needed to do. Now, some of you may be yelling at your computer right now: "CALL THE POLICE YOU STUPID WOMAN!" and that thought did go through my head, but for some odd reason I didn't want to bother the police because I did not know what or who was in my backyard and chances are it was nothing, so I didn't want to look like a crazy woman calling the police out and have them come to my rescue because a groundhog came out to see his shadow. Or, it could have been a serial killer about to cut me into little pieces. I had a 50/50 chance.
Fear is a powerful thing when your husband is on the other side of the world and you think you are about to be eaten by a ground hog. The mind is a horrible enemy that never helps you to calm down but forces you to think of all of the horrible possibilities that could be lurking in the shadows of your flowerbed-bordered backyard.
I decided to call my neighbors, and they graciously met me at my door and walked through my yard with me at 1 o'clock in the morning. Whatever it was was gone. I was able to fall asleep by 3:30 in the morning and had a refreshing three hours of shut eye. Just what a crazy woman needs -- sleep deprivation.
It is times like these that I wish I had super powers. Or a 300 lb. bodyguard. Do men ever freak out from fear or do they just turn over and go back to sleep? I wonder...