The Sandbox

GWOT hot wash, straight from the wire

Welcome to The Sandbox, a forum for service members who have served or are currently serving in Iraq and Afghanistan, returned vets, spouses and caregivers. The Sandbox's focus is not on policy and partisanship (go to our Blowback page for that), but on the unclassified details of deployment -- the everyday, the extraordinary, the wonderful, the messed-up, the absurd. All correspondence is read, and as much as possible is posted, lightly edited. If you know someone who is deployed who might have something to say, please tell them about us. To submit a post click here.

WHEREFORE ART THOU ROMEO? |

October 01, 2008

WHEREFORE ART THOU ROMEO?
Name: Cris Misner
Posting date: 10/1/08
Husband stationed: Overseas
Milblog: June Cleaver After A Six-Pack
Email: Carlcris2000@yahoo.com

This really does suck you know. Sure, sure, I am supposed to be the strong military wife that we all like to imagine. The one who can handle everything that comes her way while her better half is on the other side of the world. Sounds romantic doesn't it? The strong wife keeping things afloat at home while her soldier is fighting for those less fortunate? Well...it isn't.

Today was a bad day. The kids are making me go crazy. Seriously. Crazy. The older two cannot say a kind word to one another if you paid them. If she says the sky is blue he says it is a aqua hue. If he says he brushed his teeth, she pretends to pass out from the smell of his breath. If she says that she needs another bottle of acne cream, he falls over laughing and pointing at her. I was tempted to put duct tape over their mouths earlier. I would have too if I could have found the duct tape, but all I could find was Hello Kitty band-aids. They weren't even waterproof.

The five year old has decided to be a dog for the past few days. A dog that has just had a litter of puppies and is lactating. That's right. She lays on her side and "attaches" little stuffed puppies to her tummy and says she is feeding them. She also pretends to go potty outside when I let the "real" dog in the house out. What are the neighbors thinking? At least she isn't barking at people. My friend's daughter used to bark at me when I would say hello to her. "Hi Susie, how are you today?" "Ruff Ruff" "Nice dog, Susie."

The baby is teething, which means she has a runny nose and slobbers all over everything she is wearing. I can't really complain about her though because she is a baby and that trumps anything bad that can be going on. One look at her and I melt. Thank God for babies.

It does not help that I feel so disconnected from my husband. 15-20 minute phone calls every other day are just not hacking it. I mean, I am a woman who likes to speak her 25,000 allotted words a day and now I have no one to listen to my theories on why I think Angelina Jolie eats only cottage cheese and laxatives and how the speed limit should be raised 10 mph if you have to go to the bathroom really bad. I cornered the mailman the other day and started telling him a story about unclogging my son's toilet until I realized he was slowly backing away from me and trying to slide into his little square mailman car.

We have tried to IM (that is "instant message" for all of you readers out there who only come online to read my blog and check the weather) but he will be knocked offline every 30 seconds or so and after I have written a small novel about life out here I will realize that it is all one-sided and he hasn't gotten any of it.

So if I start writing blogs about the water bill or what I am going to cook for dinner, just understand it is because I am in need of an outlet other than the BBC's "You Are What You Eat."

I miss my husband. Not just because it is lonely at night, but because I don't have anyone to listen to me talk. Oh, and because he used to hang up all of the clothes that I throw on the floor of our closet and now I can't even see the floor and I have nothing to wear. It would be nice to have the bathroom trash emptied as well. And my bedside table lamp light bulb has burned out and now I have to turn the bright 100W overhead light on. And my van needs gas.

*Big Sigh*

Comments

It sounds like you need a day to yourself! Just to sit back and take a min. for you! I can't imagine what it would be like to not be able to talk to the one your married to. I must say blogs are pretty amazing, you can write about whatever you want and get your point out there! I hope things get better for you, and you get some duct tape when you go to the store next!

my ex wife had your attitude. I was a sailor for 6 years, married for the last 3.

Its a hard life, get with others that are in your situation, otherwise you have no one that identifies with you or sympatizes with you.

Keep bitching thats the only thing that keeps you going, otherwise if you hold it in you will explode.

Get connected with others again is the issue. I am sure your husband is not happy either being away from you.

back when i was in we had no internet or myspace, so use it to stay connected.

the other alternative is that your not cut out for this type of life and send your dear john letter.

There are a ton of military men out there that have been on that end of dear john.

Sometimes you are better off wallowing in self-pity - and why not, you aren't a super human anymore than the rest of us. You mothers are the backbone of our nation-strong when yu don't want to be, healing when you yourself hurts, I could go on. I wish I could give you a hug and say everything will work out -it will you know.

Move off of the computer and write the letters thoughtfully, crafting each one with all that spare time you have, make the dueling siblings write in competition, Dad gets to pick best letter and send reward - the one he answers. But in the end, remember what is important is that he comes home whole and safe and your family has held together and gotten stronger, even if you have to leash the little pooch... Nice post, and consider yourself hugged, by him - I am a very married man - only four years apart in our love life - two wars and that was plenty. Take care.

I'm right there with you. Your post made me laugh as I SO get it. My husband is on trip #2 to the 'Stan, no phone calls for us and MSN won't be an option soon. My daughter thumps around the house on all 4s, pretending she is a dog too. If she and my son speak, it is not civil. And last but not least we share the same name. Hang in there, this too shall pass.

There is no more challenging

work than rearing a child;

the most time consuming,

labor intensive, and

exhausting job on the planet,

especially in a modern

industrialized country.

I have known that since

age 9. Perhaps because

I was reared by a divorced

Mother.

It was very apparent

from age 4, that the

world did not revolve

around me.

In my opinion no parents

should have to raise

more than one child

without help of extended

family, it is simply

unnatural, because it

is exhausting and

particularly difficult

on the parents.

Don't get me wrong,

children often are a

delight and wonderful.

I beggar to ask, why do

adults have several

children, when one parent

is absent most of the time?

I have a niece who had

one child, without the

assistance of her husband's

sharing child rearing,

and she was a stay at home

mother.

When her husband wanted

to have another child;

she said: " I am rearing

one child without your

assistance and I have no

reason to believe you

will change if we have

another child. You will

go have a vasectomy"

And her husband did just

that. They are still

married after 30 years.

There is so much humor

in your blog and I do

understand where you

are.

Having children has

been an option for

middle class couples

for at least 20 years.

Because having children

has become a 20 year

to 40 year commitment in

my lifetime.

It is common for senior

citizens to financially

assist their 40 year old

children financially.

No blame is meant here,

but what happened to

thinking about all that

is involved having

multiple children, before

they are a reality.

What about getting

a group of similar

situation mothers to

work together and assist

one another with a

Mother's Day Out (or OFF).

Of all people, Mothers

with multiple children

need to get away and

nurture their souls and

minds.

Most mothers are and

have always been true

heroines. I don't think

being on the front lines

of war could be much

harder.

And I can't even imagine

having a young daughters

ear pierced. My God,

do we have to make things

more complicated and

complex. She could

have done that at age 12

or 20, when she could take

care of the piercing, not

her exhausted, overworked,

and harried Mother.

What happened to Keep IT

Simple? Children need

love, good nutrition, and

excellent medical care

when required, the rest

of it is up for grabs and

a gift.

A five year old girl

dictating her choice of

clothing, sheer madness

and so inappropriate.

A nationally recognized

economist made the

statement two days ago:

"For two generations we

have reared our children

to have the things we

didn't have. And it seems

all we have done is raise

two generations with a

sense of entitlement".

The family comes first,

working as a team, all

other desires come next.

I have know poverty,

middle class, and affluent

life styles during my life.

But at age 9 I was washing

linens and clothing in

a bathtub with a pierced

plunger, while my divorced

Mother was at work. I

was well aware she was

trying to feed two

children and keep a roof

over their head.

It would seem adolescence

has been extended to the

middle 20's.

Arnold Schwartzeneger's

children do their own

laundry, have no private

phones in their rooms

or personal televisions.

Between Maria Schrivers

money and Gov. Arnold's

personal fortunes, their

children could have

anything.

If the children leave

clothing out or belongings,

Gov. Arnold removes them

and the children get to

look for where they have

been stored, and that

could be in the attic.

The youngest child is

aged 13, but they are

getting training in

responsibility for

family co-operation and

team work.

Families spending $600.00

for just a day trip to

Disney Land, (in my

children's dreams). $5,000

for braces, you better

believe it, they would

get it.

You evidently are a

brilliant woman with

a tremendous sense of

humor.

However, there is a lot

you can do to relieve the

tedium and stress.

I have an ex-marine

Captain nephew, with three

children, 8,9,11 years of

age. This nephew has

a very small tolerance

for nonsense. He expects

high performance from his

children, while loving

them dearly and is a tender

father.

His three children are

well socialized, well

mannered, and universally

welcome everywhere.

I have another nephew

with four boys, and he

with his wife have never

agreed to a mutual

method of child rearing.

His wife is very permissive

and escapes by reading

books.

The four boys are social

misfits, disruptive,

demanding, poorly socialized

and the entire extended

family dread being in

any near proximity to

these four boys.

Both nephews are in the

150,000 plus salary a year.

When the ex-marines wife

asks: "Why can't the

children have (whatever),

we have the money?"

The ex-marine answers:

I don't want them to think

they can have everything

they want, as a normal

way of life".

The ex-marine and family

live in a huge, sumptious

home. He and his wife

drive new Mercedes.

It's up to parents to

send correct messages.

Indulging children with

material things, and a

permissive behavior

boundary simply creates

problems, most of the time.

And the ex-marines children

adore their father, and

respect their mother.

San Diego Dude


Hey. Four children definitely complicate things. I was a sailor's wife way back before email, cell phones,videos and all this happy horses**t that can help keep you connected to your man. But it was only at the end that we had a son. Then...you just need someone to help. Family, friends,paid help. And if you don't have it...GOD LOVE YOU. Whine away. We're listening and sending you our best wishes.

If you are a Guard wife, meet with the Family Support group - it really helps. They will trade you sitting services for a few hours here and there so you can sit in the recliner and smell the baby's head in peace or take a quiet bath or change the light bulb. If you are regular military, there is always the Wives' Club - the ladies there should do the same. And you can all kvetch together (hey, we all need to whine a little now and then!)

My mother did the thing during 'Nam when calls had to be rigged from ham to ham and she would spend the next couple of days crying. Email's kewl but my Dad brought home every letter we had written him, every card we drew. Might be a little late in your parenting plan but making the older 'Brats responsible for some of the family upkeep while Dad's away is good for their heads and might make them a team instead of competitors for the only adult attention left. Like my Dad used to say when we asked for a raise because all our friends got paid by the chore: you have chores because you live here and helping to maintain your home is your responsibility. Your allowance is your share of the family wealth. You want to be paid by the chore, your mom will start charging 10 cents for every pair of pants and a nickel for every shirt! Can you tell he never ironed anything? *S*

Love the puppyKid. Has she asked to be fed on the floor yet? Gotta a real kick out her pretending to do her business outside - think of telling that story to her future husband! *S*

Awww I loved your entry here. I had to laugh about the increased speed limit to 10 mph too. I've often wondered how many people use that excuse when getting ticketed but it's so true!

What comes around goes around.
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Never thought it could go this way. Gregory, thanks so much, amazing poem.

Email's kewl but my Dad brought home every letter we had written him, every card we drew. Might be a little late in your parenting plan but making the older 'Brats responsible for some of the family upkeep while Dad's away is good for their heads and might make them a team instead of competitors for the only adult attention left.

Awww I loved your entry here. I had to laugh about the increased speed limit to 10 mph too. I've often wondered how many people use that excuse when getting ticketed but it's so true!

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