JUST FOUND OUT |
November 16, 2006
JUST FOUND OUT
Name: C. Maloney
Posting date: 11/16/06
Husband: Deployed on float...somewhere
Hometown: Seattle, WA
Milblog url: http://corpsdjour.blogspot.com
I just found out about an hour ago that my husband's unit is being sent into Iraq. Not from the wives network, as promised, not from my husband, not from his commanders or his Gunny. I read it in the news online. I had a real rough day yesterday, hadn't heard from him in a bit, thought maybe he was on the move or there was some reason he wasn't calling. But then I got a wonderful 3:00 am wakeup call from him. I was just so elated to hear from him, to know he was still on friendly territory, to know for one day longer I didn't need to worry. My spirits were high coming into work this morning. I was going to concentrate and get the work done I've been too worried and distracted to do over the last few days. So I get in, I chat amiably with my boss, I boot up my computer, and I do the peripheral scan of military news and sites -- and there it is. I'm not sure why it's published on a public site when my husband wasn't allowed to tell me. I'm all about OPSEC and take a conservative line on it, and don't understand why they've chosen to announce this. But, there it for the world to see: his unit is being sent to Iraq.
Now, again, I'm in a daze. It's not that it's a big surprise; it doesn't take a genius to figure out that a deployed Marine has a pretty darn high chance of going into Iraq. It's just giving up that last string of hope I've been clinging to that maybe, just maybe, this time he wouldn't have to go. It makes it awfully hard to concentrate on the spreadsheet in front of me. My head is foggy, my eyes are burning, my head is aching, my limbs are heavy. I've called every member of my family and not one has answered their phone. I couldn't muster up enough of whatever it is I needed to leave a message. Talking out loud sometimes makes me break. I don't want to call his family or anyone else who is involved in his deployment. I'd rather they don't know for another day or two. How do you shake something like this off? I know I have to, I know I've got to pour myself into my work, push aside that I don't know the whens or the hows or what he'll be doing there. I know I'll be okay, we've been through it before; we'll survive it again. But right now, this minute, I just feel the literal weight of this life on my shoulders. I just feel like everything is heavy.