1. Brevity is wit. Limit cursing to six or seven times per every ten words.
2. Image is not everything, but it could help. While we can't officially say it will bolster your entry, attaching a photo of you exercising on a pommel horse with your submission is NOT illegal.
3. Warning! Any mention of Bronson Pinchot is an immediate fine and suspension.
4. This is an open contest. We are accepting submission from all states, countries and species. Except the narwhale ... and they know why.
5. Bragging that you once had an uncredited non-speaking role on "The Family Guy" feels like a lie to us.
-JG